Compassion, Love & Kindness

Can we give love to someone else when we don't feel we have it ourselves?

The whole idea of love for ourself may feel unfamiliar and a little narcissistic to some.

I often hear people say that it is impossible to give something to someone else if you have never had it in the first place. You may have heard the expression "you can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first." This also conveys the same idea.

But how can we reconcile this with the experience many have, of giving as a means to fill our own cup. Numerous therapists, carers and other service providers, have shared personal experience of how the caring and compassion they bring to their work, is what actually fills their cup. This provides them with love, joy and the energy to continue. 

This may sound like a chicken and egg scenario. What comes first? Filling your cup with love and compassion and then giving it out, or giving out something in order to fill your cup?

I think this dilemma only comes about if we think of love as something that can run out and is in limited supply. A love that is conditional and not always there. 

As love, compassion and care form the essence of our being, I prefer to think of love as our essence, as a state of being - an endless supply, that we can tap into, anytime we choose, simply by connecting to our heart.

As long as our heart is open, love is automatically always there and will automatically overflow to those around us.

When we are in a service or counselling role, we often relate to the other at such a deep level of soul connection, that love and compassion simply flow.

This love does not drain us as it comes from our connection to source. We are simply 'being,' from this place, from the source of love. This love not only nourishes the other, but also ourself.

When we look at it this way, we realise the fallacy of the dilemma above. When our heart is open, love will automatically flow to ourselves and to whoever is around us, filling both cups at the same time.  This is the magic of love and compassion!

We do however, have to be mindful of our physical boundaries and limits. If you are feeling physically tired or unwell, then it is important to do some self-care and find ways to ensure that you get that extra sleep, rest, exercise or the extra time you need. This will help you to come into a state of greater balance all round, to connect with your heart and provide an even better level of service. 

With Love